


Seven before Four

by bandaidheals



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, I Tried, Love Triangle-ish, M/M, junhwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 10:32:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16490888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandaidheals/pseuds/bandaidheals
Summary: "Is that true?""The thing everyone is talking about, is that true?""Junhoe, answer meee,""Junhoe, tell me that they're wrong, that they're spreading lies. They keep saying that you're cheating on me when I was away. Hahahah, that's impossible, right? I'm so sick of them."He lets out a deep breath, doesn't know what to say to his beloved one. His hands are trembling so much, and he's trying so hard to keep holding his phone.





	Seven before Four

_"Is that true?"_

_"The thing everyone is talking about, is that true?"_  
_"Junhoe, answer meee,"_  
_"Junhoe, tell me that they're wrong, that they're spreading lies. They keep saying that you're cheating on me when I was away. Hahahah, that's impossible, right? I'm so sick of them."_

     Junhoe lets out a deep breath, doesn't know what to say to his beloved one. His hands are trembling so much, and he's trying so hard to keep holding his phone.

_"Junhoe, why don't you answer me? Are you still there?"_  
     "I'll come to your apartment now, Jinhwan."  
_"Why? Why so suddenly? You just said you're having so many assignments for tomorrow."_  
     "I want to talk to you directly,"  
_"No! Don't abandon your assignments just to come and talk to me. Why? What happen? You can-"_

     Jinhwan pauses.

_"If there's nothing wrong you wouldn't want to come over just to talk, right?"_  
     "Jinhwan, i'm so sorry,"

     Junhoe closes his eyes, he can't finish his sentence. He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to hurt Jinhwan even though the fact is he did hurt him. He already did. He's been lying and cheating behind his back. He already hurt him so bad and he doesn't want to hurt him even more by telling the truth. But he doesn't want to lie anymore.

_"Junhoe? What- what do you mean? Sorry? Junh-"_

     Jinhwan pauses again for few seconds.

_"So they're not lying?"_  
     "Jinhwan-"  
_"Who is it? Is that a guy? Or a girl?"_  
     "Jinhwan i'm-"  
_"Stop calling my name, Junhoe! Answer me!"_ Jinhwan shouts. Junhoe can hear him crying even though Jinhwan is trying to do it silently. Junhoe bites his own lips, while tears starts coming down to his face.

     "It's.. it's a guy," Junhoe stutters. Junhoe can still hear him crying, he can hear him not breathing normally.  
_"Do i know who he is?"_ Jinhwan asks, trying to sound tough. He's trying to sound okay when he knows he is not, and Junhoe knows he is not okay either.  
     "It's.. it's Kim Jiwon."  
_"Aah."_  
_"The music expert. That amazing friend of yours.."_  
_"..bet he's not just your friend anymore."_

     Junhoe cries. Those words hit him right on his heart. He cries loud enough it can be heard by Jinhwan. Junhoe hates it. He hates himself so much. He hates himself for being too drunk that night and got himself woken up on his friend's room. He hates that he didn't even try to stop himself from coming for Jiwon again and again. He hates himself for thinking that his relationship with Jiwon would end very soon without Jinhwan noticing. He hates himself for lying and avoiding Jinhwan when he needed him the most. He hates himself so much, for hurting the one whom he loves, and who loves him the most.

     Junhoe ends his call with Jinhwan. With tears still coming out from his eyes, he hurries himself and gets out from his place. He doesn't even care about what he's looking like right now. He just runs and runs as fast as possible, to the building near his place. He keeps running so fast until he arrives at Jinhwan's apartment door. He doesn't even think to take some breaths before ringing the doorbell.

     Jinhwan opens the door. He looks messy for a guy who is just staying at his room. His eyes are swollen and his hair is looking weird. Jinhwan tries to act normally but his appearance says there's definitely something wrong with him.

     "Come on in." Jinhwan says with a light smile. His eyes are following Junhoe as he moves slowly, and then Jinhwan closes the door when Junhoe is already in.  
     "Have you eaten? I'm about to make some dinner. Sandwiches. Is that okay?" Jinhwan was about to go to the kitchen when Junhoe grabs his arms softly, stopping him from going any further.  
  
     "Why are you acting as if there wasn't anything happening just now?"  
     

     Jinhwan sighs. He turns his body right onto Junhoe's direction.

  
     "Then what do you think i should do?" Jinhwan answers his question with another question. Junhoe freezes.  
     "Should i let you in and cry my eyes out in front of you? Should i scream and yell at you? Should i hit you or even hit myself?" Jinhwan pauses.  
     "Or should i show you how hurt it feels to be me right now? Should i tell you how it's fucking killing me just by hearing the fact that you cheated on me? Should i explain how i'm feeling like a stupid, ugly trash when someone who i love so much, turning his back on me when i was just away for six months? It's not like i'm leaving you for a holiday, it's not like i'm leaving you to have fun. It's not like i'm not feeling like shit that i have to be away from you. I was dying, do you remember that I was gone to heal myself? To make my conditions better so that I can live longer so that I can be with you?"

     "Answer me, Junhoe. Am i that easy to forget?"

     Jinhwan breaks down. Tears are coming down to his face as he's saying all that. His whole body is trembling so hard. He can't breathe. He feels like something is choking him inside. He feels like dying when he's still alive.

     Junhoe steps forward. His hands are reaching for Jinhwan's body, trying to hold his boyfriend tight. But Jinhwan takes few steps away from Junhoe. He doesn't want it. He doesn't want Junhoe to touch him even though he's missing that guy so bad.

     "We've been together for quite long. Next Friday is our fourth anniversary. Do you remember that, Junhoe?" Jinhwan sighs.  
     "Thinking about it, there are so many memories we've shared together. Do you remember one of them?"

     "Jinhwan.." Junhoe pleads. He's crying too. He should be so ashamed of what he did. He doesn't deserve to look at Jinhwan. He doesn't deserve to talk to him. But right here, right now, he just wants to hold him tight. He hates seeing Jinhwan cry. He hates seeing him like that, when he's the reason of Jinhwan being like this right now.

     "But I think you don't remember anything about us anymore, Junhoe. You won't be remembering what we've been through.."  
     "...when you don't even remember me before doing all the things that you did."

     Jinhwan takes few steps forward. He moves his hand, slipping them between Junhoe's arms and body, then hug him tight. He rests his head on Junhoe's chest, inhales every scent he could find from his body. He misses him. He misses all about him.  
     Junhoe holds him back even tighter. He doesn't deserve to touch Jinhwan after all the bad things he did. He keeps repeating it in his mind, that he's an asshole. That he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve his love, he doesn't deserve Jinhwan.  
     Both of them are crying silently. No one seems to want to end this yet. They have their hands on each other, and each other on their minds.

     It's happening for almost ten minutes before Jinhwan takes his hands off of Junhoe and slowly steps backward. He wipes his tears, then he lifts his head, staring at this fine guy he has been loving for years, and maybe forever.

  
     "This is the end, Junhoe."  
Junhoe's tears are coming out uncontrollably. He closes his eyes and shaking his head. He doesn't want to believe what he just heard. But it's what he deserves.

     "Thank you for all these years. Thank you for standing up for me when I was down. Thank you for giving me the best days ever happened in my whole life. Thank you for everything." Jinhwan smiles. He's trying so hard not to cry again as his hands are wiping Junhoe's tears.  
     "Please live happily, don't stress yourself out. Eat the best foods you can get and get some rest when you're tired. Reward yourself with gifts when you're done doing something."  
     "Yeah, i still remember that, Jinhwan," Junhoe answers while laughing, but his tears keep coming out of his eyes.

     "I'm sorry for the unpleasant things I've done to you. I'm so sorry that I have left you alone. I'm sorry if I wasn't there when you needed me the most.." Jinhwan makes another pause.  
     "..and I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you."

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first iKON fanfiction ever so i'm sorry for the bad stuffs hehe thank you so much for reading it!


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